Stomp His Head GOOD! A Scholarly Perspective on the WWE
Wrasslin’ Review
by Brent Olson

...place or spent money to attend, but a 1L whom I’ll call "Tim Clinton" invited 1L "Stephen Strosnider," myself, and his "pastor" to go. It seems that "Tim’s" good friend Christopher Nowinski, who was on the Harvard "football team" with "Tim," is now a rising star in the WWE and provided "Tim" with several complementary tickets to the show to come see him perform. But wrestling isn’t just about wrestling. It’s about guys with huge orange block letters on their chests. It’s about guys with shirts that say, "I beat anorexia," and who shout "Stomp his head in!" And it’s about the women and children, some of whom looked to be about three years old, who attend such spectacles with the aforementioned men.

The first bout was between Goldust and Steven Richards, the latter of whom was accused by the former of wearing "pink panties," an accusation that rang hollow coming from a guy wearing a platinum blonde wig and more makeup than the entire state of Montana. Goldust finally felled Richards in an almost Shakespearian manner — Richard’s manager, Victoria, accidentally rammed her head into Richard’s… loins, knocking him cold.

Then came the match we were waiting to see, "Tim’s" Harvard chum Nowinski against Spike Dudley. Before starting the match, Nowinski explained that while he hadn’t really liked Virginia in the past, now he did — in fact, to show his love for the state, he put on a Hokies shirt, which the crowd failed to appreciate.

It didn’t help matters that his opponent was the 150-pound Spike Dudley, a likeable underdog if there ever was one. To show their dislike of Nowinski, the crowd began chanting "Harvard sucks," which so irritated "Tim" that he leapt to his feet and repeatedly proclaimed "Harvard rocks" with a steely gaze that indicated he was willing to back up his words with a pair of ivy-covered fists. Fortunately, no one took him up on the offer and Nowinski managed to beat his opponent through a healthy dose of Vitamin C — cheating.

But the evening had more to it than cheating Harvard graduates.

It had a three-way match for the tag team championship place, featuring Kane and Rob Van Dam defending their title against the Dudley Boyz and Lance Storm and Chief Morley.

Kane, a rather quiet fellow with an ominous black-and-red mask, used his trademark "Chokeslam" to lead his team to victory after overcoming adversity — the other two teams kicking him on the knee for pain infliction purposes.

Sore losers Storm and Morley took their overwrought aggression out on the Dudley Boyz before the Boys put Storm through a table; the Dudley Boyz apparently have made a career out of putting people through tables.

And who could forget localboy Maven teaming up with Hurricane to beat 3-Minute Warning by … er … um … come to think of it, I don’t remember how they beat 3-Minute Warning, just that they did.

Other wrestlers gracing the ring on Sunday included Ric "the Nature Boy" Flair, Booker T, and Chris Jericho, all of whom participated in the "introduction" match where the issue at question seemed to be who had the loudest and longest theme song.

Though a good time was had by all, one poor fan had his free speech rights infringed when his sign proclaiming "Wrestling Sucks" was confiscated — on Thomas Jefferson’s birthday, no less! Do I smell a muzzle award for 2003?

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